Tuesday, April 25, 2006
INFATUATED.
SMITTEN.
BESOTTED.
as i sit here in the window thinking of you,
why do you always make me so blue?
just the thought of you crossing my mind
there's a strange new feeling i can find.
Ever since you've been here
everytime you go near,
my mind starts to wander
thinking of you and me together.
Starting to build illusion
that often leads to confusion,
nice memories starts to fade away
everything seems so lost, i don't know what to say. :c
I've loved you before
though you have closed the door
still, i stood there waiting for you,
i thought you were falling too.
It was a strange feeling
hard to deal with your feelings
but then i was wrong
i need to walk for a mile long.
You used to know me,
you knew my deepest desires,
my point of view
though i don't know how you got a clue.
But then while waiting for you,
i found another person too ..
the person who made me feel complete
the one who made my heart skip thrice a beat.
He made me feel complete
love me more than you ever did
but then you knew
there's a sudden change in the way i do.
I felt sad
I felt bad
since you start making me feel, that hurts deep inside,
causing a bruise that i need to hide.
Could it be possible?
that the one i used to love the most,
has returned my favor,
and has loved me back too?
How come you didn't tell me,
i've almost waited you for all my life ..
but i think it's too late
for this is not my fate.
Why'd you have to let go?
Why didn't you just say no?
you made my life hard for me,
you can't do nothing, it's too late, so let it be.
If i could just stop the time
and bring it back
to where we've been so close
where summer ends so soon,
to where the sky fades to the deep blue moon.
If i could undo the things
and correct all wrong things that brings pain in me,
i would, just to let it be.
Why do things have to happen on the wrong time?
It's too wrong to have you mine.
If your love's eternal,
If you can still wait for me,
whatever happens,
i'll still be in love with you
even in my next life,
i hope you'll look for me ..
and feel the same way too.
--made: 091205, 15:o8 pm--
--UNTITLED--
-- s t i l l p e n d i n g --
x7:44 AM
INFATUATED.
SMITTEN.
BESOTTED.
hmm. living a sane, normal life. carefree. :) i like it this way. just living life to day-to-day. though problems come my way, it'll pass. :) for each trial solved, it makes me indestructible for small trials. i don't easily fall for small problems. and for trials, the more pain it has caused you, the greater the lesson you'll learn from it. :)
x7:30 AM
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
INFATUATED.
SMITTEN.
BESOTTED.
my day has been good. twas my sister's 13th birthday. we went to g4. gmik. anyway. iont want to ruin this day because of some sort of -- whatever. i was just trying to help him. but he never helps himself. that's why nothing happens. he just dpend it to others. if i could just tell him "would you stop being narrow minded?! as if killing yourself will be the last resort. can't you think other ways on how to solve your problems?!" as if you'll do it, i mean kill yourself in the first place.
i hope you'll realize someday na you have to get up on your feet, and be independent. look inside you to see what's the real problem. i wanted to say this before pa, but i can't. now, i can't tolerate this anymore. you keep on fooling people. ako nman, naniniwala, because i trust you. i believe you. why do you have to use this to fool other people? why can't you just stop this foolishness?
i know i have my own flaws and all. but you're hurting others. its not good. you're being selfish. you know, i've been trying my best to help you. but you're just leaving it. your pride is too high. you can't help yourself either. tzk. i hope you'll start to change. even if it means it'll take lot of time.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
whatever! i've had enough! do what you want to do. go ruin your life. i don't care anymore. enough is enough.
x8:24 AM
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
INFATUATED.
SMITTEN.
BESOTTED.
anway. i almost forgot. for those people who continually send those crappy chain messages, would you please stop it? whoever made it, what's with the nutty idea? maybe people will say na wala nmang mawawala eh. yeah right. you're like flooding my inbox. i respect your decision if you believe in those texts, but please, don't send it to me. send it to others.
x6:51 AM
INFATUATED.
SMITTEN.
BESOTTED.
i thought that i was going to be okay after the stay at tagaytay. i thought i can have a lot of time to think about things, whatsoever. but, yeah. it isn't a big deal. but, it would be the dumbest and useless thing to do if i continue on playing this game. like i'm being a good friend to them. what they don't know is it hurts when you're trying to help someone with their problem, when you know, that problem can affect you and make things difficult for you. why do we always have to fall for the wrong person? do the "perfect moment" comes once in a lifetime?
x6:38 AM
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
INFATUATED.
SMITTEN.
BESOTTED.
nothing. really. got nothing to do. (except maybe i need to fix my things. but beside that, i've got nothing to do.) just want to slip away from the world i've known. the world where i knew everything. knew that everything wouldn't be the same. damn. it's as if i'm drowning in the deep abyss of darkness. like the air you breathe is insufficient. it feels like you're choking. no one tries to help. darkness has absorbed your being. but you have to fight this kind of feeling. you'll just be drowning in confusion and chaos. i have to keep up. struggle. i'll do anything to bring back the old "me". regain what i have lost.
for the meantime, i'll be out. i'll miss you peepz. :)
you get hurt not by saying "goodbye", but by what comes after it ~
x2:14 AM
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
INFATUATED.
SMITTEN.
BESOTTED.
read maxine's new post about 5 minutes ago. she's right. it's hard to have your so-called true friends not always being there for you. yes. we have our own flaws and all. but no one understood me. people always judge by what they see and notice. they don't look closer to what you feel inside. twas good i still have my real friends, who never left me. my fall back everytime things didn't work out. i used to hang out with them before, but since i have my new "kada", i just stopped hanging out with them. but it doesn't mean that i left them. they'll always be here in my heart.
i was hurt when my friends made me feel like i'm "invisible". it's like i don't exist. everything is not real. like what maxine calls it, "fake smiles", fake laughters with them. i'm not being myself whenever i am with them. i can't. maybe because i am afraid people will judge me and not take me as who and what i am. i have to pretend i'm someone else to avoid being judged. but hey, this is not the real me. i can't even open up my feelings to them. i can't tell them that i need a friend, who can understand me and help me through it all, not being judged, just being true to one's self. i can't even tell them how i feel. and whatever it is i feel right now, that's how you're making me feel. i don't matter.
i always gave you that chance. that's why i didn't leave before. but now, i'm tired. tired of what? tired of getting hurt, of not being myself, of not feeling the sense of belongingness in the group. of being useless. wlan din namang nkkaappreciate eh.
i've always thought about this. making sure of what i feel. making sure that my final decision will be okay. i cried so many times, you may not know it, pero before before pa. and again, i want to be insensitive. see, i'm a weak person but i'm trying to fight these feelings. i have to control it.
and yes. this one's part of our trial. together as a group, and me; as a part of the group. i don't matter, right? i don't even feel like i belong here. maybe we're better off like this anyway.
hard to say goodbye ..
but i have to ..
signing off~
x1:08 AM
INFATUATED.
SMITTEN.
BESOTTED.
just checked my friendster account. shucks. i'm going to miss migui. she's been my friend, like, for about two years. new student sha nung first year. then, i don't know. nging kbarkada ko na sha. hehe. she has always been true to me. supportive, on whatever decision you make. she always encourages me and cheers me up when i was down. she never left me.
though i feel guilty for leaving our kada behind for another one, i treasured our friendship. and whatever happens, they'll still be my best friends. the one whom i can lean to. fall back ko ian eh. hehe. they've always been true to me.
thanks for everything. for encouraging me and not letting me lose hope. for those times na you stood up for me, for not leaving me behind though troubles and trials come our way and when i feel that the world's against me. for making me strong, for making me feel better, for making me believe in myself and all, THANK YOU DUDE. maybe i'm not going to be what i am now if it wasn't for you.
and though you're going away, maybe we'll not see each other again, but i'll always be here for you, no matter what happens. distance and time could not tear our friendship apart. again. i'll always be here for you. i'm going to miss you a lot. take care of yourself ok. :) loveia dude. :)
x12:46 AM
Monday, April 10, 2006
INFATUATED.
SMITTEN.
BESOTTED.
anway, i just remembered from my previous post, i did not mean na these people are really being judgemental. it's just that i'm having doubts on who's true and who's not. after those times when people used to judge me, i have these trauma and phobia. if people will like me for who i am not. that's why sometimes it's easier for me to pretend. i just miss the old "me". carefree. but i want it back.
x3:21 AM
Sunday, April 09, 2006
INFATUATED.
SMITTEN.
BESOTTED.
intimidated. intimidated by the people who keep on asking questions about some personal stuffs. it's like, why don't you mind your own life?? y0u have your own right?! why mess with mine!? hai. i certainly don't like people who digs in your past, trying to know evrything that happened. it just puts me out of the mood, knowing some friends of yours do this. even though some says that they're just concerned about the current situation, what the?! sometimes i don't believe in people, they're just trying to make some alibis to cover they're real agenda. or to put up some tattletales. i don't know. i really don't know. after the past broken friendships i have. i treasured them all. they taught me some lessons, though some taught it at the hard way. one of them is not to give your trust to others easily. even at first i wasn't at ease with them. it's like i'm trying to be somebody else who i'm not. i hate that feeling. seems like you're hiding in a shell and not able to tell what you really feel-- it pains when people are judging by what they see, without looking what's really inside of you. they're -- judgemental.
x5:38 AM
INFATUATED.
SMITTEN.
BESOTTED.
for now, i'll cry no more. i won't tolerate this. it's ok if people won't accept me for who i am. it doesn't matter. i just have to be me. and not pretend i'm someone who i am not.
i want to tell this people that it hurts being invisible to them. it seems that i'm not real to you. that i don't exist. and for you, these things doesn't matter. sometimes i just want to open this topic, but i can't. since i still don't have enough courage to tell this to you. maybe in time. but i will. just to let you know.
x4:57 AM
